"The things that end up on your vision board that aren’t in hers are the things that she has to accept," 50 Cent says. "And the things that she has that you don’t are the things that you have to make a compromise with." In a healthy relationship, he explains, your differences are really what need talking about. This is how you go about making that conversation happen."
Seems rather odd.
No one was ever paying for the words. Rather, it was the difficulty in distributing words that demanded a premium, whether that be the paper, the printing, the shipping, or the distributing. With the Internet, each of these proved unnecessary, leaving only the writing, editing, and publishing, and the market has dictated exactly what those are worth, all things being equal: $0.
When a woman is walking down the street, or on a blind date, or, yes, in an elevator alone, she doesn’t know which group you’re in. You might be the potential best guy ever in the history of history, but there’s no way for her to know that. A fraction of men out there are most definitely not in that group. Which are you? Inside your head you know, but outside your head it’s impossible to.
Advantage of bike commuting over driving: saying ‘hi’ to a fellow cyclist along the way. I’ve never said “good morning” to a fellow driver.— Marissa Harvey (@marissa_harvey) May 27, 2014
We (male) nerds grow up force-fed this script. Lusting after women “out of our league” was what we did. And those unattainable hot girls would always inevitably reject us because they didn’t understand our intellectual interest in science fiction and comic books and would instead date asshole jocks. This was inevitable, and our only hope was to be unyieldingly persistent until we “earned” a chance with these women by “being there” for them until they saw the error of their ways. (The thought of just looking for women who shared our interests was a foreign one, since it took a while for the media to decide female geeks existed. The Big Bang Theory didn’t add Amy and Bernadette to its main cast until Season 4, in 2010.)
Instead of watching “Mad Men” or the Super Bowl or the Oscars or a presidential debate, you can simply scroll through someone else’s live-tweeting of it, or read the recaps the next day.
There are so many things that I “know about” without ever actually having seen/watched/listened to/read.
“Not all men” also differs from “what about the men?” and other classic derails because it acknowledges that rape, sexism, and misogyny are real issues — just not, you know, real issues that the speaker is involved with in any way. The “not all men” man, at least in some cases, agrees with you and is perfectly willing to talk about how terrible those other guys are, just as soon as we get done establishing that he himself would never be such a cad. It’s infuriating and unhelpful, but in a way it represents a weird kind of progress.
But what needs to stop right now is ascribing simplistic, headline-grabbing motives to the actions of fragmented and troubled individuals… just because they suit an agenda, no matter how worthy that agenda might be.
I’m trying to figure out how I feel about the #YesAllWomen movement. I think this captures part of my mixed feelings.
I feel like the concerns should be shared and given voice, but I’m not sure it makes sense to match them to the event that triggered it. By placing them alongside such an extreme event, it makes it easy for people to wave the hashtag off: “obviously not all men go on killing sprees like that, silly hashtag activists.”
And that dismissal can be dangerous because look at all the stories being shared of much less extreme events that cause harm every day. I kind of feel like this hashtag could have been more powerful had it been started for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that it’s time to start talking about this.
/thinking out loud
Edit: I think the #YesAllWomen hashtag makes a lot more sense if you look at in the context of being a response to these sorts of comments in the wake of the tragedy, as opposed to a response to the tragedy itself